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POSH : Port Out Starboard Home

28 May

It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey in New York. While the weather’s having another tizzy fit, spark up a Malin + Goetze cannabis candle and peruse these beachy-keen things to get your mind off the rain.

what’s your summer song?

Smack, smooch, eat a popsicle and swallow uh… sea water with Becca Beach Tint for Lips and Cheeks. You know what? It’s that good it’s getting a photo for all you visual learners: Image The name says it all– this stuff is designed for the beach! It’s waterproof, blendable, buildable, and gives you a beautiful even color. No worries about swallowing stuck on hair strands either — Becca’s not goopy or sticky. It just seeps into your lips in a very, very low-key and pretty way. Add more layers for pizzazz and you’re good to go. I’m partial to berry shades but pick ya fave.

Since this post is beach themed, and although the sun is sleeping this May, sunscreen is the happiest and sexiest scent on earth. Just as happy and sexy as this tumblr: surfer-boys.

Go get yourself a boozy ice pop and let’s take a moment on that site before continuing

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Okay then, so slap on the euphoria even through this rainy season. It’ll lift your spirits. Promise. Current cheap fave is generic Duane Reade SPF 50 which smells exactly like sunscreen should and is easy to buy for you broke fi broke out there. Remember your ears, neck, and hands when schmearing. And since you’re being sooo good and spraying on the sun, further fox that faux tan with Physicians’ Formula Powder Palette Mineral Glow Pearls. If you have been chrysalis-izing till now, however, MAC Bronzing Powder will get you colorful. It’s matte, without shimmer and flash, so it really gives you a believable sun-kissed look.

I’m readdyyy! Sunshine here we come!

Spritz your mane with Miracle It’s A 10 Leave In to hydrate those salt-chlorine-sun scorched hairs. Those with finer hair should use their paws to distribute the product and not spritz their head directly because it is super conditioning and too much will make finer-haired folks look greasy. Curly and voluptuously maned pals like the dude below can splash directly.

definitely can handle the 10

 

Yes, yes, Princess Carolyn Bessette Kennedy famously wore this.

Unless you like being a mosquito’s milkshake, skip perfume in the summer. Having said that, Kareem Abdul’s Egyptian Musk is the ideal and perfect hint-o’-scent for the summer/year round/life. It too will get a photo cause it’s just that awesome.

Alright, alright, hear me out: This ain’t your grandma’s musk. It won’t retrieve repressed memories of being force-fed jelly candy and being told to sit straight. You’ll not pass out from this NOT overpowering scent. The Amazon description hits the nail on the mark (clickedy clack on the oil’s link above to read it). You will not smell like you’re wearing perfume. It’s subtle and just illuminates you in a stunning, truly personal way. It’s hard to describe! Guys and girls who hate “perfume” will love this.

Alright, as always, lemme know what you do to get ready for summer. For my New York friends, keep your spirit throughout this rain.


P.S.:

Like the monkey balls comment, the title refers to another nautical term. Those seamen are the best wordsmiths! 

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Slick

22 May

Grease ‘er up.

Oil wrestling is the national sport of Turkey. If this photo gets you all hot and bothered, click here.

Seems like ever since argan oil (“Moroccan” oil) was successfully marketed as a “miracle” beauty treatment, more focus has been given to plant-based oils as natural and beneficial beauty ingredients.

Oils have been used for dietary, medicinal and cosmetic purposes throughout human history*. There is a whole alphabet of oils out there that you can use to slather and gloss with. Here are two ways to slick up and get down.

GLOP REMOVER AND SKIN CONDITIONER:

Ever wake up looking like Meeko in someone else’s den with nary a facial wipe in sight? Never fear! Most people have olive oil (usually in the kitchen) and toilet paper. Presto! ‘Coon eyes wiped away and you look dewy and lovely.

Some eye makeup removers (especially those in liquid form) can be very harsh on your delicate peeper tissue and cause irritations. Instead, use (you guessed it) oil on a cotton pad to clear the junk off and condition your skin. You already know Rose Oil‘s dexterity as a beauty base and especially as a makeup remover. I use it to wipe the drag queen load of globbity glob off my eyelashes.  Lighter oils like Virgin Olive, Sweet Almond, Jojoba, Grape seed, Vitamin E and Chamomile are great for your eyes and don’t leave as much grease behind. Use heavier oils like Coconut as a body moisturizer. All these oils are cheap if you buy them “as is” (versus packaged as beauty products) at your drugstore, health store or supermarket.

Dorian Corey

Click on the link right below this photo for the full scoop on Dor Cor’s mummy!

 What do Dorian Corey and the Ancient Egyptians have in common? A penchant for eyeliner and mummies. She had one in her tomb closet!! 

Of course, if you’d prefer to buy than create, The Balm Eye Make Up Break-Up is the best manufactured eye makeup remover. It comes in a tin and has a lighter consistency than Vaseline and is easier to spread. Most importantly, it will not throw a tantrum and spill everywhere which is a danger when travelling with oil.

HAIR SKRUNCHEROO POTION: Coconut Oil, Salt, Lemon and Water

Get a plastic spritzer and mix coconut oil, salt, lemon and water. It’s up to you to decide the proportions but remember that with coconut a little goes a long way. Add the oil first as a base and pile on the rest of the ingredients. Shake well and spritz sparingly and scrunch.

beach on your head! Yumiko Utsu’s “Octopus Portrait” (2009)

The hair potion is  a very cheap way to get beach hair (the lemon and salt lightens your strands as well) but you can always use Sally Hershberger’s Wave Spray, Wavy Hair instead which, incidentally, smells like coconut.

So how about you? Do you use oils? Do you have any other tricks for me to learn? Do you prefer to make your own beauty concoctions or trust and prefer store-bought? Tell me tell me tell me!


* Note: Ancient Greeks and Romans adored their olive oil salves while folks in Ancient Egypt preferred ben and balanos oils as bases for their aromas. The O’odham introduced jojoba to settlers as a way to treat burns and wounds. Berber women have long produced argan oil for cooking and the growing demand of the oil as a cosmetic has assisted many to establish economic independence


 

Yumiko Utsu’s “Octopus Portrait” photo credit

NOT A DINER BATHROOM: Rose

20 Mar

I think rose scented things are simply divine. Wait, no, let me rephrase that: GOOD rose smelling things rock. Bad rose smells like the air refreshers in Greek diner bathrooms or old people houses. I don’t like “dainty” rose smells either…especially those packaged to look like it came from some English something like a garden or the Queen Mum herself. Nah. I like a heavy, full bodied, sexy rose.

This smell in particular:

Anthropologie had the candle in stock for like a nanosecond in 2009. Unless you’re in Thailand, this candle is not the easiest thing to get which blows (ged it?)

That candle really did a number on me because now I can’t pass anything labeled “rose” without sticking my big nose into it and huffing. Although I most likely will never find anything that comes remotely close to that gorgeous candle (my first high), here’s some other nice smelly things:

Heritage Store has a lot of rose stuff. They even sell a gallon of rose water for 86 bucks. Imagine that! But back to the normal people products.

Not only can you use this spritz

Rose Petals Rosewater 4 oz  w/atomizer

as a hair/body/pet/home/whatever refresher (which I do) but you can also use it as a salad spritzer! The label says so! The smell is light but has body. When I haven’t showered I splash this stuff on because it makes me “feel clean” and can pH any bad stench lingering in my hair up up and away. When I do shower, I slather this afterwards:

Rose Aura Glow 8 oz

I use it for everything. As a makeup remover, as a moisturizer, to pat my frizzies down. I just haven’t tried it as an alternative oil base for salad dressings.

Another oil that smells a bit more “mature” (in a good way!) and works just as well is Weleda’s Wild Rose Body Oil.

This Claus Porto soap

is a hefty chunk of delicious, and the packaging is gorgeous. I haven’t gotten my ravaged hands on the candle version yet but I bet it smells just as lovely as the soap.

Speaking about soap and packaging, shout out to Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap, the Rose Edition.

Rose Liquid Soap - 16 oz.

This is what I actually shower with before I slather on the Aura Glow potion. (You all know about the wacky writing on the label, but this shit can really be used in 18 million different ways. Back when I was a broke college kid and I ran out of detergent, I would use this. The gross dryer smell totally killed it so my undies never smelled fresh as a rose though.)

Moving right along to make up, the only one I can think of at the moment isYSL mascara. I have a feral-like-crazy love to/for these glob sticks. It is da best in the world. It knocks mascara out of the park. Not only does it smell great (like…dare I say…roses?) it also makes your lashes look 1000000000000000x better. Seriously. You’ll get laid wearing this.

And now, the most perfect rose base perfume I have huffed. The one, the only

STELLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

I have found that this stuff works like freaking catnip, for either gender. I was turned on to it after my friend Sammy wore it. Once, this guy I was seeing thought that my Chanel Mademoiselle smelled too much “like Macy’s” and so the next day I tested this spritz to only have him attached to my neck. To test this theory I have held it under unsuspecting guy friends’ noses, moving it around like a witch with her potion. 5/5 of my victims perked up and asked “what is that??? let me sniff it again!” This is good stuff.

So this is just a sample list of some of my favorite rose scented stuff. Holler down below if you know of any others!


 

Note:

Although I may jokingly refer to huffing here, huffing is not a good thing and can be very dangerous to your health!! DUH!!! Not only can you get bumps all along your nose and mouth (TRUE STORY, saw it on Criminal Minds so there) but you can also end up looking like this guy)